Manners Matter (or, Manner Matters)

At no time am I more aware of the importance (and lack) of manners in society than when on vacation. Living in a tourist town like San Francisco you get to see the mindset of the vacationer: ‘This is my vacation. I’ve been waiting for this. I’m paying a lot of money for this. Get out of my way!’

We saw some appalling examples of lack of manners on our recent trip to Europe. While waiting in line at Madame Tussauds (which has a famously slow line), we experienced both people cutting in line and a guy who insisted on smoking even when those around him were repeatedly driven to coughing. Offenders in both cases were obviously tourists. Would they behave that way at home? Maybe. But one thing’s for sure—their attitude was, “I’m on my vacation…placate me!!”.

Manners
In reality, the attitude should be just the opposite. When Starr and I are visiting a foreign country, our attitude is this: we are guests of these people. While they’re having to go through the drudgery of work, traffic, laundry, etc., we’re sightseeing carefree. How should a proper houseguest behave? Would you rummage through the fridge without permission? Would you jump ahead of your host while he was heading to the restroom? Would you talk loudly when your hosts were being quiet? And yet, that is what many foreign tourists do.

Why do bad manners bother us so much? I’ve boiled it down to two things: justice and respect. Cutting in line bothers us because it is unjust, not just because we’re being inconvenienced. Proof of this: imagine that you are sitting on a park bench and across the street you observe people waiting patiently in line. Suddenly you see some guy obviously cut in line. It bothers us all the same, even though we’re not personally being affected. It offends our innate sense of justice.

And then the matter of respect. If you consider the feelings of others before your own, it will prevent you from behaving in an obviously obnoxious manner. But that’s the heart of the problem—the feelings of others aren’t being considered at all. “I’m tired….I’m hungry…this line is slow…that’s dumb…we don’t do it that way at home…blah blah blah” We’ve heard those kind of comments far too many times. You’re on vacation on the other side of the world!! A lot of people dream of being able to travel and the opportunity never materializes. Quit being such an ungrateful baby.

Jeff Starr is a San Francisco-based Impressionist oil painter who concentrates on themes of Japan, Dreams, Europe and California.